


The Finer Points of Winning a Prank Battle

by CurlicueCal, LaughingStones



Series: Shadowbound AU [14]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Urban Fantasy, Demonstuck, Humanstuck, John POV, M/M, Polyamory, it's not dating if the dicks don't touch, john and dirk explore denial, shadows as daemons/familiars, soul bonds, unnegotiated exhibitionism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-28
Updated: 2019-12-28
Packaged: 2021-02-24 22:01:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,822
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22005160
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CurlicueCal/pseuds/CurlicueCal, https://archiveofourown.org/users/LaughingStones/pseuds/LaughingStones
Summary: There's nothing weird about watching a movie with your brother's ex-boyfriend and his boyfriend.There might be something weird about making out with them, but John isn't gonna stress it.
Relationships: Gamzee Makara/Dirk Strider, John Egbert/Gamzee Makara
Series: Shadowbound AU [14]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/389896
Comments: 19
Kudos: 130





	The Finer Points of Winning a Prank Battle

“Wow, no, fuck you, get your mushroom ass outta my way.” Leaning over his controller, John not-so-accidentally elbowed Gamzee in much the same way as he rammed his little virtual avatar into the annoying toadstool taking up half the dang track. He was the Mario Kart champion and first place was gonna be his.

"Oh, whoa, my fine motherfucker," Gamzee said, thumping agreeably back into John's side, "that ain't gonna serve you in any way you're hoping on."

A second later John cursed as Gamzee dropped a banana peel right up his ass and Yoshi spun out wildly. _How dare!_ “Nope, that’s it, you are going _down_.” John took a turn hard and bumped into Gamzee accidentally-on-purpose again as he leaned halfway across the couch. 

"I go down all the time, bro," Gamzee said cheerfully, somehow keeping Toad on the track, "but I get up again, see." 

_Pfft, I bet._ “Oh, you think _so_ ,” John challenged, and proceeded to lean even harder, throwing most of his weight onto Gamzee in an attempt to smother him into the couch and reclaim his due lead. 

Gamzee was briefly disabled by a giggle fit, but recovered unfortunately fast for someone sideways and halfway falling to the floor. He returned to the fray with renewed zeal, even sparing a hand from his controller long enough to get an arm around John's neck and give a reasonable attempt at either strangling him or, like, was that supposed to be a head-lock? John didn't think so, but it was possible Gamzee didn't know what that was and was trying anyway.

There was no way he should still be able to work the controls like that, and _yet_. He kept doing it. 

Narrowing his eyes, John went for the soft spot under his ribs, wiggling his shoulder and then his whole face into the skin as Gamzee yelped and laughed and tried fruitlessly to fend him off with an elbow. It was hilarious, and John got briefly distracted trying to pin him properly until his best bro went _Hey!_ and he glanced back toward the screen and realized that asshole _had almost reached the finish line!_

“You cheater!” John gasped, and flipped them both off into a tangle on the floor. Gamzee yelped and flailed, one elbow knocking into the side of John's head. His weirdo overbearing shadow slid in closer, making the air uncomfortably skin-crawly, but he wasn’t _actually_ in John’s space and Gamzee was still laughing so John didn’t worry about it, focusing instead on locking a leg around Gamzee’s so he couldn’t crawl away while John did his best to knock the controller free from his hands.

"You sly little motherfucker," Gamzee snickered, recovering himself much too fast. Not bothering with technique, he flopped over on top of John, trying to pin his arms in place while eyeing the TV himself, thumbs moving on his controller.

John abandoned his own attempts to play and settled for blowing a raspberry against Gamzee’s neck long enough to snatch the controller from his hands and chuck it across the room. “Victory is mine!”

Gamzee burst into laughter again, shaking his head at John, one hand idly rubbing at his neck. "Brother, ain't no way that's got anything of a victorious nature to it; you ain't been to win yourself, just stopped me!"

 _Sounds like something a loser would say_. Which was an excellent point, so John grinned and made it, side-eyeing the TV and contemplating his chances of distracting Gamzee long enough to make it to the end of the map.

“Uh-huh. Next game I’mma have to tie you in place so you can't up and fuck with me like that," Gamzee said, grinning down at John with narrowed eyes.

John had about half a moment for his mind to take that to an entirely inappropriate place ( _!!!)_ before he remembered what was actually going on and that his status as number one Mario Kart god was on the line. “Aw, buddy, if you need a handicap you could just say so!” He grinned back. “I’d help you out.”

"Yeah, you were trying to get your help on real notably there, getting me all handicapped!" Gamzee returned, and John beamed as Gamzee settled further down, crossing his arms on John's broader chest. _Heh._ John’s shadow sprawled in presumptuously close on the carpet, mentally glowing in tandem with John. Gamzee was such a big gangly stick, it was adorable! 

“Never played Mario Kart as a motherfucking wrestling match before,” Gamzee said. “Looks to me like I up and won, though."

John and his best bro scoffed internally. “There are no rules in Mario Kart. There are some rules in wrestling, though.” He dropped his voice, slid his eyes to the side. Gamzee eyed him a bit skeptically and John had to bite down hard on the desire to laugh. “See, the thing is,” he said, still in quiet, confidential tones, “what a lot of people don’t realize…” 

Gamzee leaned in, still skeptical but clearly amused, and realized his mistake a heartbeat too late. 

_Gotcha! Hahaha!_

“...is it’s all about _leverage_ ,” John finished smugly a few moments later, breathing hard but now properly on top and staying there. He hadn’t spent years as Jake’s scrumming practice partner for nothing, and Jake had been top of his high school wrestling team. Sloppy technique for a cover pin, with the one leg hooked through Gamzee’s and armbar gentle at his throat, but this way was more fun. 

John was still enjoying Gamzee’s utterly bewildered expression (and even managing to enjoy the sudden intensified skin-crawlies from his shadow, because the outrage was pretty funny when you thought about it) when he belatedly registered a whole new presence in the apartment.

Across the room, by the front door, Dirk was standing with keys still in hand, face that typical Strider try-hard unreadable as he took in the scene.

John took a moment to also contemplate the scene. Wow, this was a pretty compromising position now that he thought about it! Also pretty embarrassing! On the other hand-- he considered the unreadable, but still definitely bewildered expression. 

_Hilarious._

“Hi,” John offered cheerfully, and didn’t think too hard about how breathless his voice sounded.

"Hey, my brother!" Gamzee rolled his head back to smile a pleased, if upside down, greeting at Dirk. "We’re just playing some Mario Kart.”

Dirk let that hang in the room a moment. “So I see.”

John started snickering hard enough that he had to hide his face in Gamzee’s shoulder. 

“This sneak-ass motherfucker thinks as it's a wrestling game,” Gamzee drawled cheerfully. “At least, if he looks to be losing."

“Excuse you, I totally won,” John said, still into Gamzee’s shoulder. He snuck a glance up at Dirk and just about died trying to get a straight face back on. “It’s not my fault you don’t know the full contact rules.”

"Full contact, bro? Shit, I shoulda up and got my tackle on the minute we started, knocked you off the couch first thing!"

Dirk apparently realized he had been standing in the doorway too long, because John could _see_ the moment when he shook himself and stepped carefully into the room. He could also see the moment when Dirk decided against bee-lining straight for Gamzee, instead heading past them to the kitchenette. If he’d intended to hide he was almost immediately distracted, confounded by the sheer mess John and Gamzee (but mostly John) had created.

“Gamzee made cake,” John told Dirk. “Sorry! I tried to stop him.”

Gamzee snorted and reached up to roughly tousle John's hair. "That you most definitely did up and do, yeah. He made himself a fine motherfucking nuisance, bro," he told Dirk, pushing himself up on one elbow, "and now I'm all at a world of work to get the kitchen back in shape again."

“I thought you liked cake.” Dirk was still kind of not-quite looking at them, but Hal’s shadow form had wandered out across the carpet towards them, all buzzy and way too obviously interested. Yep, John’s prankster’s gambit was definitely raking in all the mad high scores for this one. John batted his eyes in Hal’s direction.

“Cake is a weapon of psychological warfare,” he said, ducking out from under Gamzee’s hand to sit companionably on the floor beside him, in the dark of his best bro. “It _starts_ with one cake. And then next thing you know every weekend is filling up with frosted gestures of fatherly affection.” He poked Gamzee with a finger. “I’m telling you, dude, cake never ends well.”

Gamzee had a kind of frozen smile and a weird look in his eyes, and he didn't answer, just pushed himself up to sit and watched his shadow snuggle up to coil tendrils up his arms from the floor. John’s own smile faded. _Hm._ “What did you bring us for dinner?” he changed the subject brightly.

Dirk lifted an eyebrow. “Dude, eat at your own house. It’s literally 10 feet away.”

John clapped a hand to his cheek. “What? Dirk? You’d throw out a guest without feeding them?” He turned to Gamzee. “But you promised me a bro date.”

"Oh, right," Gamzee said, straightening up a little, "we were gonna get at watching some movies and shit!" He looked up at Dirk and smiled, shrugged. "I mean, we've got some extra ramen packs all at us, right?"

“I brought Con Air 3,” John said cheerfully, “Cons in Space.” 

Dirk turned his shades toward John and apparently tried to stare him down. He beamed back.

“Sounds fun,” Dirk said, incredibly blandly.

"Hell yeah, space!" Gamzee said. "There gonna be aliens and shit?"

“No spoilers!” John snapped as Dirk opened his mouth. “He needs to _experience_ it.” He turned back to pin Gamzee under his most intense, serious stare. “I told you, this movie will change your life.”

“If you wanna run I’ll try to hold him off at the door,” Dirk said mildly from the kitchen.

Gamzee snickered as John made a face at Dirk. "Nah, bro, I figure as I can handle it. Bring it on, my fine film-loving brother!" he told John with a lazy grin. John couldn't help noticing that he didn't seem to be taking the mind-blowing potential of the film extravaganza before him seriously. Whatever. Someday one of his friends would see the light! Possibly by force.

 _Maybe tonight!_ Cheered by the possibility, John exchanged a mental high-five with his best bro. Then, for good measure, he exchanged an actual high five with Gamzee. 

Dirk cleared his throat awkwardly in the kitchen. Honestly, sometimes John wondered how he’d ever thought his older brother’s friend was cool. Dirk was like… possibly even less cool than Dave. And John loved Dave but Dave was extremely and tragically Not Cool.

“Well,” Dirk said stiltedly, pretty much proving John’s point. “Sounds like y’all got a plan. Guess I’ll get out of your hair.”

Gamzee bounced up to his feet with an expression of dismay. "Aw, no, bro! Movies only up and get better the more folks as get their watch on! I mean, like, if you don't wanna, I guess you don't gotta…" he glanced back at John like he was looking for confirmation one way or the other—

“He’s totally gotta!” John said cheerfully and Gamzee huffed before heading into the kitchen to join Dirk. 

“Aw, you don’t. But like, I'd sure get my enjoyment on better with you there," Gamzee finished more softly, and leaned in to kiss Dirk's neck or something.

 _Aww_. Gosh they were cute! And also gosh Dirk was real dumb. Gamzee’s eyes flicked briefly towards John like he’d heard the thought, but then Dirk sighed and kinda swayed into him and they both went back to being snuggly. And. Hm. Um. John shifted in place, feeling a little warm.

Hal had followed Gamzee into the kitchen and Gamzee’s own shadow had curled in around them all overbearing and possessive and ridiculous, way cuddlier than John had ever seen him in the dorms, and Dirk looked like everything in the world had stopped existing for him except for Gamzee. It was, to be honest, really, really romantic. 

But also just hot.

 _Oh._ John shifted again.

Gamzee took his sweet time, kissing Dirk all lazy and gentle and exploratory, patiently teasing out reactions, little softening sighs, but eventually he pulled back and grinned. "Cool, so you'll up and watch it with us?" he asked Dirk, sounding kind of breathless.

Dirk looked at Gamzee, dazed, and then suddenly his head turned towards John, who froze, pinned and embarrassed. John smiled his best ‘I have no idea about anything happening in the room and everything is normal’ smile. There was no reason for him to feel flustered, so obviously he wasn’t. If anything, _Dirk_ should be the one flustered! Because Dirk was ridiculous. And not cool. 

Had John been smiling blankly too long?

The tips of Dirk’s ears got red when he was embarrassed. Gamzee had his head tilted and a playful, knowing slant to his eyes.

“Popcorn!” John said loudly, jumping to his feet. “We need popcorn. For the. Movie.”

"Sure thing, my brother," Gamzee said peaceably, and went rummaging in a cupboard, pulling out a package of popcorn which he threw into the microwave.

Heresy. John considered slipping next door to grab some proper popcorn and the air popper, real butter, salt, maybe a little nutritional yeast, but decided he could let the inferior popcorn preparation slide this time. Next time, though! _We can bring goodies. It’ll be awesome._

When the microwave beeped Gamzee untangled himself from Dirk, who'd been standing there looking awkward and immediately went on doing that. Gamzee grabbed the heretical popcorn and came out of the kitchen waving the bag at John and grinning.

"Here we go, my brother, fine provisions for the galactic journey!"

John waved his DVD case, beaming back. “Awesome. Prepare to have your mind blown.”

Dirk made a noise, but John ignored him. That was exactly what Dave always did, because Dave had _terrible_ taste in movies. Instead, he busied himself getting everything set up and shepherding his captive audience into appropriate movie appreciation position. Gamzee let himself be directed agreeably to the couch, and, when Dirk balked and tried to sit at his workbench, backed John up with the application of some truly proficient puppy-dog eyes. 

Which was how they wound up smunched together on the battered, fluffy couch, bag of popcorn between them and Dirk managing to look not-quite-reluctant where he was tucked under Gamzee’s arm. It was cozy, and domestic, and the opening credits for his favorite movie were rolling on the screen, and John tucked his legs up happily and leaned into Gamzee to steal some popcorn.

Gamzee reacted to being leaned into by putting an arm around John's shoulders too, without even taking his eyes off the screen. John was mildly psyched to discover he’d achieved the cuddles tier of the friendship echeladder already, because that was inarguably the best level of friendship, and also Gamzee didn't seem to notice that this left him no hands to eat popcorn with, thus ceding the entire popcorn supply to John. He snagged the bag and settled contentedly, mostly managing to ignore the looming presence of Gamzee’s shadow spreading over them on the wall like some sort of big grumpy thundercloud. Gamzee seemed perfectly happy with the set up, so John was happy. 

John’s own best bro was cast on the sofa next to him, attention fixed on the movie like it should be and human edges gone slightly curly with excitement. And Dirk’s shadow bro claimed the arm of the couch and part of the wall on the other side, clearly used to Gamzee’s shadow and unwilling to be chased into a smaller space. He still had that slightly buzzy feeling to him that Hal got sometimes, like there were a bunch of conflicting shadow energies all overlapping and concentrating into one point, but John was used to ignoring that, too, and it kind of felt appropriate to the evening.

Nic Cage came on the screen, backed by the whipcord lithe lines of his shadow-brother, and John made a happy noise even as Dirk huffed a little sigh. Still watching the screen, Gamzee leaned over and nuzzled Dirk's neck, which seemed to be the extent of his commentary on the most legendary actor known to man.

“I’m sorry," Dirk interrupted a little later, "are we supposed to believe the American government is accepting 50 year old ex-cons into the space program now?”

“They need him to deal with the space break-out,” John explained. “Shhh. You’re going to miss the best line.”

“You think all movie lines are the best lines,” Dirk returned, and John swatted at him distractedly across Gamzee, who responded by grabbing the back of John's neck and squeezing, holding him firmly in his place.

 _Oh?_

John smothered that first, startled-but-interested reaction from his best bro almost immediately. Instead, he frowned, playfully petulant. “He started it.”

"Now, no motherfucking wrestling while we get up into our movie viewing, here," Gamzee said. "You can be to bicker and argue as much as pleases you down in your smartmouthed little heart, but you spill popcorn all over the place, be up in your surety you'll be the one to get at cleaning it up, too." He gave John a stern look.

John gave him innocent eyes right back, then gasped offense when Dirk swiped a handful of popcorn right out from under his nose. Gamzee raised an eyebrow at John.

"The popcorn _was_ getting to be at a snack for everybody, yeah?"

“John’s bad at sharing,” Dirk commented, looking smug all curled up against Gamzee and nibbling popcorn.

“ _You’re_ bad at sharing,” John retorted automatically. “I just expect people to say please and thank you.”

__

__

"What, and interrupt the fucking movie?" Gamzee said, grinning, and stroked a thumb up the side of John's neck. He was still watching the movie, or at least his eyes were on the TV.

 _Oh! ??_ John’s brother put in again, with more question marks, and this time he had to admit he was right there with him. “Good manners are always important,” John said, and then wanted to smack himself in the face for how exactly like his dad he sounded.

“Please may I be excused from this movie,” Dirk offered, deadpan.

"Aw, bro, but we're all to getting on our cuddle!" Gamzee said.

“That doesn’t technically require a movie.”

“Shhh,” John hushed. “Shut up and enjoy the experience already.”

“I’m just saying I could enjoy the experience more somewhere else. You know. With less Nicolas Cage.”

Gamzee huffed and nuzzled Dirk again, which at least inserted a pause into the stream of complaints. Judging by the small sounds, that was not so much nuzzling, actually, as protracted kissing. Also? Gamzee's hand was still resting kind of loosely on the back of John's neck?? Which was--okay, probably normal, friends did that, Gamzee liked touching and John liked touching and just because Gamzee was also touching his boyfriend _(! ? !!)_ did not mean John needed to be getting any kinds of ideas. So he didn’t get them.

Fortunately the scene where the space shuttle almost blew up on launch and Cameron Poe and his shadow had to rappel around to manually fix the exhaust valves was up and that one always left John on the edge of his seat. Gamzee seemed to be enjoying it too, John thought in the small amount of attention he had to spare from the screen.

"Oh hell yeah!" Gamzee said when the launch went successfully thanks to the hero's quick action. "Who knew that motherfucker was all at having the knowledge to be doing that shit?"

John couldn't actually tell if it was genuine enthusiasm or sly and very subtle sarcasm, but he was used to friends like that. “I know, right? And the part where he thinks he’s not going to make it back in time, but he does it _anyway_ because he has to protect his crew--” He sighed happily and flopped dramatically against Gamzee, who chuckled agreement, arm sliding back around John's shoulders to squeeze him.

“I thought they weren’t actually his crew,” Dirk put in.

“They’re his crew _in spirit_. Wait til the rest of the movie.”

"Yeah, can't judge the story til we've all been at seeing it," Gamzee said, nodding. "Hey, bro, gimme some popcorn, yeah?" he asked John, and opened his mouth hopefully.

_Ummm?_

John’s brother had a _bunch_ of immediate thoughts about that which John panicked and shut down with an immediate flustered mental doorslam. This did not help with the reality of Gamzee expectant beside him, lips parted just so, or the hot flush of color to John’s face. If his brain could make grinding gear noises it would probably be doing that. 

Popcorn. Right. His… hands were full? So that made sense. Couldn’t expect him to stop cuddling his boyfriend; Dirk would probably escape. John’s eyes flicked sideways to the boyfriend in question, but Dirk’s shaded expression, and still, slightly tense posture provided no extra clues, though it was sort of nice to see Gamzee’s arm still curled all fond around him, thumb stroking soothing at the skin of Dirk’s shoulder.

John grabbed some popcorn, still a little bewildered and residually flustered. Gamzee tipped his head slightly, eyes half-lidded and flickering with something that might have been a come on, but looked, now that John was processing at full capacity, more like amusement. A tease. A dare.

 _Oh! Ohhhhh._ Everything clicked into place and John let himself grin back even as he popped that popcorn right into the waiting mouth.

Gamzee gave him another one-armed hug and a happy little hum in thanks and went back to watching the movie, munching contentedly. Five minutes later he nudged John and made a little hopeful noise, opening his mouth again.

John obliged, holding eye contact this time, testing that impressive lack of fluster. Gamzee met his gaze effortlessly, eyes squinty with delight, and squeezed him again, smiling as he munched before licking his lips just a little playfully. John found himself grinning as he turned back to the movie, mind bubbling with possibility and unfortunately not providing full attention to Cameron Poe’s tense standoff with the moon base warden and his sketchy-ass shadow. Well, he _had_ seen it a million times.

Gamzee made an interested noise, and then leaned towards John for another hand-delivered helping of popcorn. The noise he made about this was also interested, but in a completely different way. John let his fingers brush Gamzee’s lips and Gamzee hummed, eyelashes dipping as his eyes lingered briefly on John's face.

_If this is a prank, who exactly is the prank on?_

Well, that was easy. It was obviously on everyone in the room who wasn’t John. And also whoever wound up being funniest. His eyes slid to Dirk.

Dirk’s eyes didn’t meet his, obviously, because ridiculous ironic anime shades, but John still had the idea Dirk’s attention was not on the excellent movie John had provided. He might have been able to pull off nonchalance if he hadn’t been awkwardly just a little too still, cheeks touched with just a little too much red, and also if he hadn’t been Dirk “anal-retentive” Strider who John had known since before he was old enough to know how cool he wasn’t, and who he had once seen eat a live worm in an attempt to impress Jake. 

So, yeah, he was definitely not the paragon of chillitude he was pretending to be. On the other hand, his actual feelings about the situation were harder to work out. John felt maybe a little uneasy about this, but Dirk was still tucked under Gamzee’s arm, half-cuddled into his shoulder, doing his impression of a very casual pile of tense angles, and if he had any issues with the situation he wasn’t saying. 

It was probably fine.

Gamzee leaned distractedly over to nuzzle Dirk's jaw, and Dirk started just a bit and then relaxed a few degrees like the reaction was wired into his brain. _Seriously, awww_. 

Gamzee's hand found its way to the back of John's neck again, a casual, almost possessive hold. His thumb stroked a hot line down John's spine to the collar of his t-shirt.

John made a cut-off squeaking sound and just barely kept himself from jumping.

He caught Dirk’s stare. A judgemental eyebrow raised at both of them before Dirk apparently remembered his awkward, ‘I’m not watching you’ pretense and pointed his shades back at the TV. Gamzee just grinned toothily at a John.

 _Wow, rude!_ John’s best bro declared in admiring tones. _I think he’s winning_. 

Well, then! John pushed popcorn at Gamzee’s face with good-natured vindictiveness, running his toes up the cuff of Gamzee’s pants leg to find bare skin. Gamzee’s startled twitch and laugh sent a piece of popcorn bouncing down into his lap.

"Mmph," Gamzee said sadly around his remaining mouthful of popcorn. He tapped on the back of John's neck, flicking a hopeful glance at the escaped kernel. His eyes came back to John all dark and desirous.

John had another one of those moments where something fluttered uncertainly in his stomach, but he pushed it down with the ease of long practice. You did not become a pranking master by listening to the parts of your brain that wanted to be embarrassed! 

On the other hand you also probably didn’t become a pranking master by giving your new best neighbor pal an accidental handie, and the best parts of pranking lay in the element of surprise. 

With lingering eye contact, John snagged the piece daintily from between Gamzee’s legs and stuck it in his own mouth.

Gamzee sputtered with muffled laughter, and John made a show of licking his finger carefully clean until Gamzee grabbed the back of John's neck, shaking playfully. John was flushed warm and fighting his own laughter but he was chalking this up as a win. _Victory, yesss._

Still grinning, Gamzee dropped his arm back over John's shoulders and went back to watching the movie as though nothing else of interest was happening. Heh.

Through the warm, jittery glow of accomplishment John could still feel eyes on him. It wasn’t exactly hard to guess whose, even with the shades. He made it about five minutes trying to focus on the movie (Cameron Poe was striding around the dimly lit moon prison being very manly and handsome) before he finally let his glance flick sideways for a quick peripheral check on Dirk.

Dirk wasn’t even pretending to not be watching him anymore. (He also wasn’t even pretending to watch the movie, which was expected, but still disappointing. It was a good movie, okay!) 

John’s eyes flicked back and forth several more times, and the attention pointed his direction never wavered. Dirk’s shadow-bro was even more obvious, Hal leaning in from his perch on the arm of the couch to fake-prop an elbow on Dirk and point his face toward John directly.

“Um?” John said after another few long moments and glances back and forth where it became clear the staring wasn’t going to stop being a thing that was happening.

“So I’m curious,” Dirk said in a bland, dry voice that promised trouble. 

John smiled in almost automatic panic and confusion.

“Are you actually attempting to play gay chicken right now. With my boyfriend.” He paused for a moment. “My gay boyfriend.”

"Pan, bro," Gamzee said mildly. "I'm down to get down with all kinds of folk."

The quirk of lips Dirk shot Gamzee was heart-wrenchingly affectionate, and Hal actually reached out to _touch Gamzee_ with one shadow finger, a gesture sweet and intimate enough to make John’s whole chest feel tight and flustered and filled up with uninvited butterflies. “I know.” Dirk’s attention returned to John. “Point stands.”

John went to lean away, realized he was still wrapped under Gamzee’s (friendly!) (like bro-friends!) arm, and squared up instead. “I don’t have any idea what you’re talking about.”

Gamzee shot him a thoughtful sideways glance, then snorted softly, as though at a sudden thought or maybe a comment from his shadow-bro, still twisting stand-offishly up the wall. Lips curling, Gamzee tugged John in closer against his side, holding his gaze with hooded eyes. “‘S that up and so, brother?”

 _Bail out,_ was the first thought in John’s headspace, and then, nearly as quickly, _Go for it!_ He was blaming both of those on his best bro. This didn’t really help the mental gridlock. Behind Gamzee he could see Dirk raise one pale eyebrow over his shades--the tiniest bit smug, the tiniest bit dismissive. 

“If I was playing gay chicken,” John said, rallying, “you would _know_ because I would _win_.” And he reached right past Gamzee to catch Dirk’s face in his hand, cupping his jawline and tilting his head just a little more up.

Dirk’s lips parted and Gamzee’s arm flexed just a little around him, as if in reaction.

"Oh _hell_ motherfucking yes!" Gamzee said, giving John an apparently genuinely delighted grin.

John had just a moment to feel triumph unfurl giddily in his chest under that grin, under the warm, startled stillness of Dirk’s cheek under his hand, and then Dirk was breaking away in a flurry of limbs to go compete with his brother for occupancy of the farthest arm of the couch.

"Aww, bro," Gamzee said to Dirk, and gave John a sad look. "You went and all spooked him. Gotta move more cautious all up on him, brother, you gotta get your coax on good and gentle."

“ _Please_ stop providing seduction tips,” Dirk said, in a voice that sounded like it was trying to be amused past the strain. 

John eyed Dirk a little warily. He was tempted to point out he’d just won, but also Dirk seemed maybe a little actually distressed and John didn’t want that! Games were supposed to be fun! He bit his lip and looked back to Gamzee, whose matter-of-factness about the situation was reassuring.

"All right, bro," Gamzee said to Dirk. "If it's up to be bothering you. Got no kind of fairness at it to expect the brother to know what he's at without he has a little help, though."

“Hey!” John protested, and then colored a bit when they both looked at him. “I totally know what I’m doing,” he finished, less confidently.

Dirk raised an eyebrow. John huffed in total offense. The eyebrow stayed up.

“Not sure either of you actually has a plan here,” Dirk said dryly. Behind him, Hal reached over to flick at Gamzee with a shadow finger. 

"Aw, nah, my brother!" Gamzee agreed. "I'm just all to be going with the flow, seeing what motherfucking potential drops into my lap." He grinned at John, eyes half-lidded.

“Pretty sure he’s not planning to put out,” Dirk said, shades still pinning John, who froze, beaming blankly.

Gamzee glanced over at Dirk, looking slightly startled. "Fine by me either which way it lands, bro," he said, shrugging one shoulder, and looked back to John thoughtfully.

Gosh, there sure was a lot of staring at John suddenly going on. (... _Hot?)_

 _Or how about no?_ he returned to that stray thought. Seriously, this bro-date had gotten confusing _very_ quickly. He had half a second to decide between jumping ship or leaning into it, but damnit he still kind of wanted to _win_. Whatever this was. “Dirk,” he said, and pressed a hand to his cheek. “I am a _lady_.”

"Shit, yeah?" Gamzee said, blinking at him. "I oughta be at calling you sister instead of brother?" John would've assumed it was a tease, but Gamzee looked completely genuine.

 _Joke fail_. But on the other hand, _awww_. “I am a boy,” he told Gamzee back, just as seriously. “Who is a lady who does not put out on the first date. Seriously, Dirk, rude.” He tipped his head into Gamzee’s shoulder and the arm around him tightened.

“Sorry if I’m not up to speed on the intricacies of your homosexual flirt-pranking,” Dirk returned, because he had had his fun-bone removed.

"Wait," Gamzee said. "Shit, bro, that's one motherfucking tangle we've up and got ourselves, here. Is this up at being a prank or a date? Cuz I had no notion on me at either one."

John blinked. Dirk turned a look on him that somehow managed to be accusing and smugly vindicated despite involving basically no muscles in his face. The carbon-fizz of Dirk’s shadow grew sharper as Hal slid over to not-quite lean against Gamzee. 

“Well, um.” John flailed for words. Gamzee just seemed _puzzled_ , was the thing. If he’d been upset, John would have known how to respond (apologies were typically the correct direction for a prank gone wrong), but confused dark eyes and a loosening of the arm over his shoulder was harder to figure out. Because this had all been _joking_ , right? Mostly joking. They had both been--

_Wait a second, wait a second, wait a second--_

Okay, _what_. John decided to say that out loud. “Okay, _what--?”_

“I repeat, are you trying to play _gay_ chicken with my _gay_ boyfriend,” Dirk said. “Pan boyfriend.”

Great, now Gamzee was raising his eyebrows too, all puzzled and expectant.

Realization struck, inescapably. 

Also mortifyingly.

John did his own flustered escape to the far arm of the couch. Oh no, Gamzee actually looked a little hurt by that, as well as startled. 

John’s best bro fluttered automatically back towards that sad face, a full-body shuffle along the couch, dark borders rippling out in little gusts along his fingers and closest shadow-shoulder, but Dirk’s own shadow-bro was already there, shifted around lightning fast to slouch possessively between them, the soda-can pressure of Hal’s presence in the room increasing enough to give John the beginnings of a headache.

On the TV, Nicolas Cage was exchanging touching last words with a beloved and mortally-wounded brother-in-arms, and John couldn’t even care. “Um,” he said, and then petered out.

Gamzee regarded him a moment longer, then said, "Huh," and turned back to the movie. It felt… disappointed, almost dismissive. Gamzee grabbed some popcorn out of the bowl and munched on it, which was completely normal and not a subtle rejection at all, probably. Dirk scooted back over towards him, touching his arm all soft and careful before snuggling right back up, Hal close on Gamzee’s other side. John found himself abruptly very much on the outside of something intimate and private. They didn’t even seem to need words. 

John turned his eyes back toward the movie, but even Cameron Poe’s top tier moon heroics couldn’t save him from his inner turmoil. The night had been going _so well_ and then John had-- and Gamzee-- and Dirk-- but--

So instead of enjoying an awesome movie with two awesome friends, John spent the better part of the climactic moon-prison destroying dust-storm scene stewing, and it was, frankly, miserable. And needed fixed. John was gonna fix it. At this point it would probably be more polite to wait until the movie was actually over to speak, particularly as Gamzee appeared to have relaxed back into intrigued enjoyment. But on the other hand, John liked to consider himself a man of action, and surely it would also be ungentlemanly to leave an issue unattended.

“Gamzee, I’m really, really sorry,” he started firmly, and was rewarded by two pairs of startled eyes turned on him. “I didn’t realize you didn’t know I was joking around and I was a huge dumb bitch to mess with you that way.” John paused, in case anyone wanted to say something, but both of them still looked more than a little thrown. Well, Gamzee looked thrown; Dirk had a tick-mark of consternation between his eyes and a tight-limbed awkwardness that more suggested he might be considering the best tactical exits from the conversation. Haha, nerd.

“You’re super cool and fun to hang out with,” John told Gamzee seriously, “and I’ve been enjoying getting to know you better. I hope I didn’t mess anything up too bad because I’d be really sad if you were sad or if you didn’t want to hang out anymore.”

"Aww, that's hella motherfucking sweet of you, bro," Gamzee said, and his smile for John was genuine and easy even if he still seemed puzzled. "You're all at having your coolness on too, for sure! But like, why bother at saying it's a joke when I can't up and see the difference from any flirtation a brother would do for real?" 

John opened his mouth, closed it, opened it again. “Well, like. _Joke_ flirting. Which is different from real flirting in definite actual and meaningful ways that I will think of in a minute _shut up Dirk,”_ he added, nobly resisting the urge to throw a pillow.

Dirk, who hadn’t said anything but was managing to communicate quite a lot of skepticalness with just his dumb face, raised an eyebrow.

_Pfft, pwned._

John huffed. Okay, so maybe there wasn’t a lot of difference. But lots of people flirted with their friends, right? John certainly did. That didn’t mean he was _interested_ interested. 

That didn’t seem like the apologetic thing to say. He tried for a redirect, making vague motions with his hands. “Aren’t you kind of already…?” 

“It’s an open relationship,” Dirk said blandly. The slight tension to his posture made John wonder if that was all the way true.

"Sure motherfucking is, bro," Gamzee agreed, "or I wouldn't've got my flirt on back!"

“Oh,” John said. ( _*Oh._ *) He boxed that second, fascinated reaction away somewhere to think about later. Or maybe never. “Well,” he tried, “I thought you were joking?”

Dirk coughed something that sounded like ‘gay’ and ‘chicken’. Jeez, was he ever going to let that go? 

Gamzee gave John an amused look. "If I get up to motherfucking japes with you, you'll know it real sure, bro."

John probably wasn’t supposed to beam back, but honestly, he couldn’t help it; Gamzee was _fun_. Also his shadow was doing the scary creepy-crawly aura thing that gave John tingles all down his spine, and considering he’d basically just been loom-sulking on the wall all night it was frankly super adorablethat this was the bit he’d deign to pay attention to. “Okay, I’ll look forward to that!”

There was a sigh from down the couch. Dirk slumped back into the cushions, shades briefly pointed towards the ceiling. “We’re all gonna die.”

_Hahaha, drama queen._

"We'll perish in beautiful motherfucking flames," Gamzee agreed, squeezing Dirk so the air huffed out of him. Even Gamzee’s shadow took the trouble to come be extra creepy and dark in Dirk’s vicinity which was maybe an affection thing. "Chill, bro. Enjoy the glorious cinema we got here before us."

And with that he seemed perfectly content to turn back to the movie, abandoning the previous discussion and all the weird complicated vibes that had come along with it. Which was fine, they were almost at the dramatic long distance love scene, and Nic Cage was gonna do the thing where he and his shadow put their hands on the moon-to-earth communication screen to match his loving wife while LeAnn Rimes sang in the background. So John settled in to focus on the movie, too.

Okay! That whole apology had gone--fairly well, actually. The joke they’d been playing had flopped ( _except Gamzee wasn’t joking???_ ) but Gamzee wasn’t mad, and if his feelings were still hurt he wasn’t letting on, and John could make it up to him later. And they still got to watch an awesome movie together like bros. Bros that were sitting farther apart, but John hadn’t made up for his joke yet. This was fine.

John found his eyes wandering over to Dirk. Dirk was definitely still watching him and not the movie. John had a sudden, vivid sense-memory of sliding his hand over Dirk’s cheek. The catch of breath under his fingertips. 

Dirk raised an eyebrow and John jerked his eyes away. Movie. Right.

Dirk snorted softly and nestled into Gamzee even more, like he was flaunting the cuddles or something. Rude. John kept his eyes very much fixed on Nic Cage’s tenderest romance as Gamzee heaved a happy sigh and nuzzled Dirk's temple. John heard a small, cute kiss, but he was watching the movie.

John’s eyes slipped sideways and ran directly into Dirk’s. 

Dirk smirked. Closer, still walled between John and Gamzee on the couch, Hal tilted his head in a gesture John had seen enough times to recognize as mocking.

“Enjoying the show?” Dirk asked, soft and deadpan.

John tore his eyes away and planted them back on the TV with a frown. “Yes,” he said firmly. “It’s a great movie. Nic Cage is really hot, don’t you think?”

Gamzee tilted his head to one side and squinted at the screen. "Could be, I guess?" he hazarded. "If a motherfucker likes 'em like that."

“Of course they do.” John gestured, warming to his topic. “That is the picture of masculinity right there. Look at those shoulders in that tank top. All that messy, curly hair everywhere. That five o’clock shadow. Those abs. That is a man of action and anyone would be privileged to kiss that face.” They couldn’t of course. Because Cameron Poe’s one, true love in this movie was his wife Tricia as played by Monica Potter.

“ _Don’t_ get him started on Nic Cage,” Dirk told Gamzee, and Gamzee laughed.

"Naw, I got my understanding on now," he said, aiming a sideways smile at John. "'S all at being a sight safer to flirt at menfolk as can't hear and take you up on it, huh. You can start up a whole motherfucking _flock_ of gay poultry, no fear."

 _Hey!_ “I’ve flirted with guys in real life!” John said, and then flushed, because that made him sound like he was, like, twelve. “And I’ve had boyfriends and girlfriends and sex, too, thank you very much. I just don’t normally flirt with my brother’s best friend’s boyfriend. Or my brother’s _ex_ ’ _s_ boyfriend. Or my brother’s ex.”

Gamzee looked quizzical. "So, only on special occasions, like? You pull out the chickens just now and then?"

“It was a _joke!_ ” Nobody respected John’s sense of humor. Honestly it was like they hadn’t been raised by pranking masters slash serious businessmen. 

“You never did clarify what distinction you were drawing there,” Dirk put in, even though he absolutely had not been invited to this conversation.

John grimaced. “Sometimes people do jokes, Dirk. It's fun. You should try it someday.”

Gamzee frowned. "Motherfucker, joking's got more to it than just doing a thing like normal and saying this time it's got no realness to it! Have some motherfucking respect for the cause of mirth!"

John flushed up all over. What was with all this psychoanalysis suddenly? Did everything he did have to have a reason? What was he, talking to Rose? (Rose was also very hard to prank. Although that made it extra fun to succeed.) 

_(Some people need help taking life less seriously.)_

“Excuse you, I am very funny, and there is a _difference_ between flirting for real and flirting not for real.” _Probably._

“Still waiting to hear what that razor-fine, wiggly line of distinction is,” Dirk commented, again to the ceiling. John flipped him off.

Gamzee squinted at John, still frowning. “There’s different kinds of flirting, for sure,” he offered. “Like, when you’re up and real clear you wanna get down with the body you’re talking at, that’s got its distinction on from the kind when you’re just lazing around making like it’s word play or some shit, and ain’t nobody really thinking on doing much about it.”

“See, that,” John said, pointing, and then paused and frowned, because not exactly that. Gamzee still made it sound like flirting meant you were interested, or _could_ be interested, like more than friends interested, and John was pretty sure that wasn’t exactly right. 

“You can flirt with more people than you want to have sex with, I guess?” he said, making motions with his hands as he pieced it through. “Like, I flirt with Dave all the time and I’m not going to have sex with _him_.”

Dirk made a little choking noise. Right, that was _another_ reason this was weird. So many good reasons not to do the thing. _We could do the thing._ Wow, nope!

Gamzee shrugged. “Sure, bro. Still flirting, though. The notion’s got no intent attached, you can mean it or no, but it’s still got that title on it.”

“Well--I mean--” Why was John flustered about this? It _was_ flirting, and it _didn’t_ have to mean anything, and John didn’t mean anything by it. Did he? “Anyway, Dirk is definitely not interested.”

Gamzee raised his eyebrows, turned to look at Dirk, turned back to look at John. "That up and so?" was his only comment.

Dirk still had this inwards, transfixed expression on his face. John regretted bringing up Dave a little. Also Jake. Like, okay, it was a little weird to be hanging out and having bro-time with his best friend’s older brother who was also the dude that had been hanging around in his house and basically dating his own older brother since they were kids, but it wasn’t _that_ weird. John was allowed to have friends. Even friends that were also related to or involved with other friends. Like what about the whole thing with Vriska and Terezi and Kanaya and Rose and Dave?? That could have been weird, but John was still friends with everyone after everything.

Dirk interrupted his thoughts. “I don’t actually have to be interested for this to happen you know,” he said, and John had a brief moment to let that build a _very_ wrong thought-picture before he went on. “Gamzee can flirt-fuck whoever he wants.”

Gamzee snickered. "Flirt-fuck, hell yes! Is that when you're like all coy and shy and shit the whole time you're getting it on?"

"You keep stopping the sex to giggle and play with your hair," Dirk suggested.

"Get your dirty talk on, but all blushing and shit."

“Bashful handjob under the table to say hi.”

Gamzee whooped with laughter and Dirk quirked one of his tiny smiles. 

_Aww_. Seriously these two were hilarious and fun together, it made John wanna do bad things. Innocuousbad things, like tease just see what kind of reactions he could get; except apparently that wasn’t fun for Gamzee and he shouldn’t do that, except. Except.

Except apparently maybe he could? _Oh. Oh! Hmmm._

John put that thought just a little to the side and very carefully did not examine it yet. But also: “You don’t… think that would be weird?” he asked, looking from Dirk to Gamzee.

“Well, it might be illegal, but I’m not the handjob police,” Dirk said.

"Wait, what's fucking illegal?" Gamzee said, looking startled.

“Handjob salutations.”

“No, but seriously, it really wouldn’t bother you?” John cut in again, ignoring Dirk being weird even as Gamzee said, " _Oh_ ," in a tone of relief.

Dirk’s deadpan faded into something that looked somehow both a little more serious and a little more unreadable. 

_Striders, seriously, what even._

“Like I said,” Dirk said, “It’s an open relationship. Gamzee can do whatever with whoever he wants. I’m not here to tell him what to do.” He sounded completely sincere and matter-of-fact about it, but John’s eyes were drawn to an electric shiver of Hal’s edges on the couch where he still sat positioned on the couch between John and Gamzee. A second later Dirk’s shadow-bro shrugged his shoulders elaborately before shifting back to the far arm of the couch in a movement nearly as quick as he had come. He was followed a second later by a long outgrowth from Gamzee's shadow-bro, a tangled branch of shadow-vines reaching over and partly encircling him in what should’ve been a threat, except that Dirk didn't look at all concerned.

Gamzee was watching Dirk, eyebrows slightly lifted. His arm tightened around Dirk and he leaned in, murmuring fondly in a low voice that was perfectly audible, since John wasn't even out of arm's reach.

"Brother mine, don't be at tearing yourself in shreds, now. Most precious of brothers, kindest and sweetest--”

“Gamzee,” Dirk interrupted in protesting tones but Gamzee just cuddled him in closer and continued right over the top of his half-hearted objections.

“--Like I'd be to parting from your side in favor of any other, don't you get on entertainment of that notion. Though I may tarry elsewhere, I'll make my return to you in surety. Yeah?"

“Yes, fine, _yes_ ,” Dirk said, his face gone a hilarious and adorable rosy-brown. “I get it. Insecurities handled.”

"Sweet," Gamzee said, and squeezed him happily. Then he sat back, eyed John and looked over at Dirk again with a little smile. "...Still be more fun with you than without, though."

John had to bite his lip to contain the snicker at Dirk’s expression. That blooming seed of an idea he wasn’t thinking about was creeping closer. He was possibly going to do something dumb. It would hopefully at least be fun. 

Dirk shoved Gamzee away with one hand, still blushing furiously, but didn’t actually move away from him on the couch. Beside him, and halfway up the wall, Hal and Gamzee’s shadow tussled briefly, another gesture that would have been alarming if John hadn’t seen this before and if both shadows weren’t so chronically weird as their default setting. It did make the static and creepy-crawly vibes in the air flare higher long enough to make John squint and his own best-bro flutter up close to him in a moment of tolerant exasperation. 

“Yeah, not gonna be a thing,” Dirk said dryly.

“Told you!” John agreed cheerfully. That bad idea was definitely taking hold. “He’s not interested. Obviously I am very sad and heart-broken.”

Gamzee looked back at John, mouth twisting doubtfully to the side. John seized the moment while he was all bewildered and thrown.

“Hi!” he said a moment later from his new position with hands braced on the couch and knees on either side of Gamzee’s lap. Haha, wowww, that had gotten Gamzee’s shadow’s attention!--but he wasn’t doing more than looming and radiating scary vibes at John while Gamzee blinked up at him looking much less offended, so, pfft. _Jumpy~_

John beamed hopefully down at Gamzee. “Cheer me up?”

Gamzee looked, in fact, pretty much delighted. "You motherfucking bet, bro!" he said, and put a hand on the back of John's neck, drawing his head down for a kiss.

 _Score!_

John didn’t have long to spend being smug, because it turned out Gamzee was a really good kisser. Which was awesome, frankly, and he spent a bit just enjoying the give and take of someone who knew what they were doing with their tongue before he pulled back to catch his breath and grin.

"Hell yeah," Gamzee said, grinning back, and squeezed the hand on the back of John's neck in that way that made John’s bro hum interest. Gamzee turned to grin at Dirk, too--right, because Dirk was still _right there_ \--and Gamzee’s eyebrows lifted in amusement, but he said nothing.

Dirk also said nothing, his face a careful blank, and John wasn’t quite enough of a Strider-whisperer to know what this specific Strider pokerface meant, but he wasn’t throwing a hissy fit or anything so John was gonna assume it was fine.

Gamzee seemed to think it was fine, anyway, because his hand on John’s neck was already urging him down again, and John shifted his knees against Gamzee’s thighs and his hands where they braced over him on the couch and arced down to kiss him properly. Gamzee hummed into it, his other hand landing on John's hip, thumb slipping under his shirt to stroke over his side.

Oh, that was nice. John huffed a pleased noise against Gamzee’s lips and diverted to explore the sharp angles of his cheekbones, the soft skin behind his jaw, just below his ear, where suction made Gamzee groan low and dark. A minute shift of movement reminded John of Dirk’s presence on the couch, he was _right there_ , John’s knee was literally wedged between Gamzee’s leg and Dirk’s and that was weird-- ( _hot_ )-- weird, but John didn’t have to explore that feeling too hard because Gamzee’s hands were climbing his ribs, nudging his shirt out of place.

"You sure you don't want in on this fine pastime, bro?" Gamzee asked Dirk, tugging John's shirt up enough to let the cool air of the room tickle a slice of belly.

John also didn’t have to think about that suggestion ( _!_ ) because Dirk went all stiff and weird with an immediacy that was frankly kind of insulting.

“I’m--” Dirk stopped and cleared his throat. “I’m gonna continue to pass on that, bro. In fact, I think it’s about time for me to clear out, give you two randy kids some space--”

“Wow, rude,” John cut in, before he could think better of it. “You can’t just abandon your guests, Dirk, what kind of host.”

Dirk gave him an extremely unreadable look. John beamed blankly back at him, because he might not be dumb enough to believe there was nothing he should be thinking about there, but also he was committed now and heck if he was backing down.

Gamzee looked between John and Dirk with a little frown and moved his hands back to John's hips, letting his shirt fall. "We can be all to keeping it clothes-on and first date like," he offered to Dirk, "if it'll keep you in your comfort better. Don't wanna get at chasing you off, bro."

That unreadable look turned on Gamzee. On the wall, Hal mirrored Dirk, somehow contriving to look extremely sarcastic in silhouette. 

“I noticed,” Dirk deadpanned.

John bit the inside of his lip to keep from snickering. Gamzee’s eyes flicked from Dirk up towards Dirk’s shadow, like he’d caught some gesture John had missed and he huffed softly. "Now, my brother," he said, mildly chiding, "you know I got no want up on me to draw you into something as lacks your interest, but it seemed like it didn't, up until I went and brought attention on it. Yeah?"

“...You’re terrible for my air of mystery,” Dirk told him. It was hard to tell with the sunglasses, but John thought he glanced John’s way before he turned his face towards a random corner of the room. “Fine, whatever. You two have fun. I’ll just be here rolling along like the world’s awkwardest third wheel, nobody knows why it’s here or where it is going, but damn if we’re going to do the reasonable thing and let it leave. Do you need moral support to make out? Is that what this is?”

John grinned at him. “You’re the chaperone. I think my date is trying to get handsy.”

"Shit, yeah," Gamzee agreed. "Question is, how motherfucking handy can I get to being?" He reached out to stroke a hand up Dirk's thigh and slid the other hand up John's shirt at the same time.

Dirk made a noise like a startled cat and John couldn’t help but laugh as he ducked back down to catch Gamzee’s grinning mouth in another kiss. Honestly, he was so _fun_ , how had John never noticed how fun he was when he was just some weird lanky dude with a ‘stay away’ vibe, hanging around the dorm common rooms and sticking to Karkat like a second shadow? 

If the game was ‘mess with Dirk’, John could play.

“You should take _your_ shirt off,” he told Gamzee, pulling back to catch his breath again, running a tongue over a kiss-bitten lip as he let his eyes run over Gamzee. “Since he’s seen it all before. He can’t complain.”

Gamzee opened his mouth, grinning, paused and frowned. "Well I surely can get to doing that, but he _hasn't_ seen you before, and no more have I, so wouldn't that be up and pleasing the greater number with its novelty?" 

“Hmm,” John mused, cutting his eyes towards Dirk, whose bland expression might have looked a little more convincing without the color stealing high on his face. “Nope! I think he wants to see _you_.” He leaned back over Gamzee, close enough to almost kiss, close enough to make his head tip back to look at him, and what the heck, he slid his hand into his hair to urge his head back farther. Gamzee’s lashes flickered, pupils dark and interested, and John beamed. “Take your shirt off, ‘kay?”

"Oh, well," Gamzee breathed, "when a handsome brother starts to asking all in his politeness and shit, what's a body to do but go along?" He leaned up enough to snag a kiss, pulling against John’s hand, and then shook free and peeled his t-shirt off as John politely leaned back to give him room--and make sure he didn't catch an elbow in the face. Gamzee had very pointy elbows.

"There," Gamzee said, tossing his shirt off the couch. "All laid bare for your motherfucking pleasure, bro." He slid Dirk a sideways glance and a smile, leaned back against the couch and gave John a challenging look. "You gonna up and join in?"

“Sure,” John said, and then proceeded to not particularly do the thing as he instead pushed Gamzee back by one shoulder and used his other hand to slide up along his torso, see what interesting noises he could get. The ribs made Gamzee huff in amusement, wriggle as John traced the soft dips between them, but John’s fingers tweaking his nipple got a hum and a low-lidded smile.

John thumbed over the sensitive flesh again, and then again, ducking to kiss along his jaw, suck the lobe of his ear into his mouth. John could feel Dirk’s eyes on him, more vivid even than the restless shift of his knee against John’s, and he still wasn’t thinking about it, but it made his heart beat rapid, somewhere between nerves and victory. 

Gamzee made a soft noise, breathing faster suddenly. "Nnh, fuck, bro," he said, and among the things John wasn't thinking about, the bulge at the front of Gamzee's jeans definitely counted. He didn’t have to think to roll up against it, make a noise between pleasure and frustration. _More, more, more._

One long hand slipped up John's shirt again, fingers running over his stomach, stroking over the hair above the waist of his jeans, before nudging just below, lingering on the band of his underwear. _God, yes._

Gamzee's other hand was on Dirk's thigh again. John might not have noticed, but Dirk made a not-quite-noise, maybe like a swallowed breath, and John lifted his mouth from Gamzee’s neck to find his make out movie date buddy with his hands definitely edging up on the crotch territories of both John and Dirk. That was ( _hot, yesss_ ) another thing John probably shouldn’t think about, except he had a brief flash that he could maybe watch Gamzee and Dirk get it on ( _hell yes_ ) see what they both looked like when they fell apart ( _god_ ) and in service of keeping things appropriately not thought about he rolled his hips forward again, into Gamzee’s.

Gamzee groaned and ground up into him, fingers dipping farther below the waist of John's jeans, stroking across his underwear. "Motherfuck," Gamzee said breathlessly, and reached up for another kiss, hips working slow and steady. Between his teasing fingertips and that rhythmic pressure, John’s pants situation was starting to get more than a little restrictive. He made his own breathless noises into the wet heat of Gamzee’s mouth. He could maybe kiss Gamzee forever, except not, because see: rapidly developing pants situation and also Dirk had just made another near silent little noise that blazed down John’s spine like an electric shock. 

John pulled back for air and laughed at the way Gamzee huffed annoyance and tried to grab him right back. Behind him the TV was quiet and it occurred to John the movie had ended at some point and he hadn’t even noticed. Also there was popcorn all over the floor. He laughed again, breathless, a little wild.

"Hell yes," Gamzee said, grinning at him, and rocked up again, a bare tease of pressure with the new distance between them. His hand had gone still, pausing its venture into John's pants, something between its own tease and query. "We can have us a _fine_ motherfucking time all up in here."

God, John liked him so _much_. He beamed and kissed him again, because he could, because it was a thrill to feel how readily Gamzee went along with it, lit up into it. Catching Gamzee’s wrists he pulled them lightly away, and Gamzee went with that, too, hummed a questioning note, but let John press his hands into the soft cushion by his shoulders, press him back into the couch as well, and kiss him until confusion melted into hungry urgency. _Dirk’s watching._ John sucked Gamzee’s lip in, arched into him a little more showily than he might have otherwise, and all but glowed with heated satisfaction as Gamzee moaned low in his throat.

He pulled away to consider his work. Gamzee was breathing fast, looking dazed and mussed and dark-eyed. John was breathing fast too.

"Motherfuck," Gamzee said breathlessly, and reached for another kiss.

John bounced back, grinning as he held up a hand between them and Gamzee stopped, blinking. “I told you,” he said, still perched on his lap. “I’m a _lady_. I don’t go to bed on the first date.”

Gamzee stared at him with a hazy frown, then turned to Dirk. "Right, there, my brother," he said. "That there before you getting on its cruel display, that's flirt-fucking. Coaxes you on as like you're apt to be getting your due, then fucks off before time and leaves you hanging." He pouted at John, all big, sad brown eyes, just a little overdone.

John’s grin spread a little wider. “You should ask me out again some time. I had a really nice night.”

Gamzee huffed at him, but he was unsuccessfully hiding a grin at the same time. "Could be I'll up and do that." He glanced around, looking past John at where the popcorn lay strewn across the floor. "Though we'll see if you've still got the thought as it's a nice night when you're done cleaning up. I said it at you, brother, I said if you'd get at spilling the popcorn you'd be up and cleaning it up too."

“Broom and dustpan are by the fridge,” Dirk put in blandly. He somehow looked mussed even though John hadn’t touched him.

“But Dirk, if I don’t get home soon my big brother will worry for my virtue.”

Dirk blanched, which was honestly a hundred percent worth bringing Jake into it. John bounced the rest of the way to his feet, giddy internal laughter filling his head.

Gamzee was giving him an exasperated look. "Cuz that two minutes it'll take to sweep up is gonna be what has him up in his concern over you after you've been hours hanging out here. Sure, bro."

“I still want to watch Con Air with you for real,” John said, retrieving the DVD. “Maybe my place next time.” He bit his lip, warring between what was a good idea and what was funny. “Or maybe we can make Dirk chaperone better.”

“What even the fuck,” Dirk muttered in the excessively neutral tones that meant he was having internal conniptions. _Lmao_. Yep, worth it.

"Who needs a motherfucking chaperone when you stop everything short all yourself?" Gamzee said to John, flinging his hands up. He _did_ look annoyed, but more in a sexually frustrated way than an actual mad-at-John way, so that was fine.

“You’re a really special person,” John told him sincerely, “and I like you a lot.” Gamzee blinked at him, caught nicely off-guard, and John pecked him on the lips a final time.

“Bye, Gamzee!” He waved, heading for the door. “Bye, Dirk!” And then, because he absolutely could not resist, he turned back to flash Dirk his most innocent smile. “Have a nice night.”

“Motherfucker,” Gamzee said, unfolding himself from the couch, “get your ass back in here and clean up your motherfucking mess!”

John laughed and bolted for home.

\--

Jake was dismayed by the popcorn mysteriously strewn all over their living room the next morning. John was no help, collapsed in a giggle fit with his shadow-brother, but he did actually do most of the cleaning up.

**Author's Note:**

> John tends not to make a big distinction b/w his thoughts and his shadow’s. Idk how well we conveyed this in text? Let us know. :33
> 
> —————
> 
> John, the next time he sees Karkat: *tackles* "Karkat! Guess what! We're co-boyfriends!" :) :) :)


End file.
